Monday, July 26, 2004
...
i miss youbabyburn at 6:05 PM
i want to die today
first. it's a monday. speaks for itself. second. the traffic at nlex is just terrible. third. the driver driving the fucking van got fucking summoned by the fucking mmda police. fourth.the mrt was flooded with a swarm of people ready to kill for a fucking mrt space. fifth. the fx line at buendia was looong...not that i was expecting things to get better at that point. sixth. as if i haven't had enough police crap for the day, again, the driver driving the fucking fx got fucking summoned by the fucking mmda police. seventh. had trouble at the office.in deep shit. neck on the line. all nervous and wrecked. eighth. and definitely the most unexpected. after telling somebody I wished he was here to ease up all these, he tells me that he's sorry but it's my fault.and to think that it isn't 5 o'clock yet. life sucks. big time.
babyburn at 3:48 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
ikaw pala
sino ba naman ang mag aakala na ikaw pala... ikaw pala na payatot at tibak na tibak... ikaw na masungit at parang matandang binata... ikaw na striktong nagbabantayat nagpapaalis sa ECR... ikaw pala... ang magiging pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko...
sino ba naman ang mag aakala na dahil sa isang SM City sale ay makikita kita "in a different light." mantakin mo yon...sweet ka pala. masarap kausap. hindi masungit at lalong hindi parang matandang binata. at higit sa lahat gets mo ko. gets mo? sabi nga sa philo1 we have the same language game.
parang kapag kasama kita pwede kong mag mura...pwedeng umutot...o kaya tumahimik na lang basta...galing mo nga eh...you bring out the me in me...
tapos yun na...with you everything feels right...effortless and free flowing.
kaya nga pag may friend ako na hurt in love...sinasabi ko parati...kung sya na yun...everything will fall into place...naturally...walang complications...
hindi ako naniniwala sa soulmates the way other people define it...na parang hindi sila nag aaway,iisa ng paborito, iisa ng pag iisip. more often than not magkaiba pa nga tayo ng point of view pero if a soul mate is defined as someone who complements you and your soul...someone who does not necessarily have to think like you but respects how you think...baka maniwala pa ko...kasi alam kong ikaw yon.
Ikaw na nga si Mr. Right (for me).
* Tangina ang mushy.
babyburn at 3:39 PM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
mayumi
it was three years ago when bestfriend and i went to see Atlantis, the Disney movie, at SM City not knowing that the next day would be the start of the best days of our lives.with a belly so big you'd wonder how i was able to walk, i prepared the munggo which was our baon for lunch that day. the plan was to visit our OB and head to work. but all hell broke lose when the doc said i'll be delivering the baby that day. i thought, wow...really? today? are you sure?
where's the tremendous pain every one was ranting about? this was too easy than i expected. well... that was what i thought until 5 hours later.
having heard the news, we went to the office to...guess what...file my maternity leave. everybody who knew i'd be having a baby later and saw me all smiles and filing my maternity leave were either baffled or scared. Scared for me that is.
and the nightmare began, excuses to all singles and virgins out there...but the pain...can i just tell you that the freakin pain was just unimaginable. i mean, i have psychologically prepared myself of the greatest pain i can imagine
but no...oh no...when i say unimaginable...i mean it.
and then she came, no, there was no "pang-tender-care-baby-powder" scene, where the mom would touch the baby's finger and tears will just roll down her eyes. actually, the first time i saw her, i still couldn't believe she's mine. i read in books that a mother has to talk to her new born to bond them but honestly, i felt awkward doing it. i just talk to her in my mind where nobody has to hear. our first conversations
were like that...and now...we just couldn't stop talking.
happy birthday sam and thank you for giving me a purpose. that is, to be a friend and a mother to you. and i thank Him for making it all happen. and when you read this, say...five or six years from now...remember that mommy wants you to be happy all the time.
note. the title of the article is what we should have named sam had we not changed our minds at the last minute.
babyburn at 2:15 PM
Friday, July 02, 2004
unwell
my eyes want to shut. my back hurt. i want to sleep. i want to rest.good thing it's already friday. for the past 8 weeks of my life
there are two things i miss the most. one is having bestfriend
around and the other, sleep. A five hour sleep these days
is already a luxury for there is just so much to do. been quite
busy with work and sam being sick and then there's her upcoming
birthday party. but i can't complain. i'd have to say those waking hours are hours well spent...really. but then there remains the fact that i am still a human...with all its limits and vulnerabilities...
i sometimes wonder why God made do with just 24 hours a day. i mean, it's just not enough. if only he made it 30 or 32 maybe... then i'd..
...read a new book for it's been a while since i last read one
...watch a two hour movie on cable
...have longer conversations with my sis and mom
...write
...draw
...play more games and read more books with sam
...plan for a business concept
...study reading and speaking Jap
...work out with Billy Blank's Taebo VCDs
...clean our room
...have some sort of beauty ritual or something
...comb my hair more often
...go shopping
...take pictures
believe me, i can go on till midnight listing the things i want to do but can't. oh well, enough of that, my optimistic self mumbles something like being thankful for what i have or something to that effect. ok ok i'll shut up. which reminds me, lately i've been getting confused on what and how i should look at things. one moment i'm all frustrated of how things
went and another minute i realize it's selfish thinking that way. Talk about self censorship on the mental level.
something tells me this is not good and that i'm thinking too much and that i should stop writing already.
"All night
Hearing voices telling me
that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something"
babyburn at 1:32 PM